Are we there yet?
I used to be fixated on the destination, on getting places and becoming who I wanted to be––who I was supposed to be. I was in a rush to arrive. Now I’ve come to accept that life is a Journey. The journey is unpredictable, but also full of meaning and beauty.
Through the journey, you get to know your Guide.
My journey has already featured many more curves, drops, and jumps than I expected. But looking back, I realize that a straight line was never what I wanted. Despite being a strong introvert who needs her alone time, I wanted an adventure.
As a young adult approaching the end of my degree, I wasn’t sure what the future held, but when I pictured the American dream––American suburbia, a house, kids, a steady job––the picture seemed incomplete. Was that all there to life? Pursuing success, comfort, and ease? Deep in my heart, another desire was burning, one I couldn’t yet put words to.
I had known God and been walking closely with Him for many years, but I felt sure there was more to life with Him than I had known so far. At least, I desperately hoped there was.
My mind kept drifting back to a five-week trip to South Korea in the summer of 2009, a time of adventure, of wondrous intimacy with God, of whisperings and dreams awakening. As time passed, I felt God confirming that He had more for me there. And so, I went back. I returned to Korea in 2011. I was only supposed to go for 10 months, but that plan quickly changed. God was calling me to stay.
Choosing a life in Korea involved sacrifice, but was also surprisingly comfortable. My family and friends didn’t understand, and I gave up the classical music world, which was difficult, but I also felt a sense of belonging in Korea that I didn’t quite understand. I knew God had something special for me in Korea, if I would only entrust myself to His path.
God wowed me in Korea. The first couple years were a mountaintop experience filled with a joy I never imagined possible.
Then came the struggle, the pain, the confusion––the desert.
There were times I wanted to run away, but God showed me that I needed to learn to stay. So I did. Much longer than I wanted to. It was frustrating and humbling. I became disillusioned, had my trust broken, and felt used.
One step at a time. That’s how the journey goes. Sometimes we take a wrong turn or have to stop and catch our breath, perhaps we even collapse from exhaustion. That’s okay. Because He is strong enough to restore, renew, and redeem. Jesus walked the path of suffering into victory, and He invites us to do the same. He is strong enough to love us back to life. And He is not in a rush.
I’ve learned that no one has the right to judge my ‘yes’ to God, and I wouldn’t trade my ‘yes’ to Him for anything.
At the start of 2019, I returned to the US to start a new part of the journey. A going back and a going forward. There are new unknowns, new sacrifices, and new treasures. Leaving Korea was heartbreaking for me, but I have also found new joy being birthed inside me.
Following God on this mysterious journey is not easy. It requires boldness. It requires brutal honesty with oneself. It requires the humility to ask for help.
But it’s worth it.
As a fellow journeyer in the middle of the process, I hope my writing inspires, encourages, and deepens you. And perhaps makes you laugh. We are not in this alone, and that is important to remember.
So kick back and stay awhile.
Lean in and ponder. Smile, laugh, or cry––no one here will judge you. Connect, share, process, and let what you absorb change you.
And, don’t leave without hearing this: You are sought after.
LOVE is close beside you, calling your name. Whatever difficult circumstance you may find yourself in, God is near. Whatever you may be ridiculously happy about right now, He is celebrating. However you stumbled onto this page today, He was in that too. God wants you to know that His eyes are on you. He see you. He knows you. And He loves you.
So don’t put off turning toward Him. Today, if you hear His voice, don’t harden your heart. (If you’d like more specific suggestions on how to connect with Him, click here.)
Thanks for taking the time to learn more about my story. If you’d like to share yours with me or if you have any questions for me, I’d love to hear from you! Click here to send me a private message.
Here’s to rising after every tumble, celebrating every small victory, and treasuring the imperfect, unpredictable process that has made us who we are today and continues to change us into who we will be tomorrow.