Are we there yet?
I used to be fixated on the destination, on getting places and becoming who I wanted to be––who I was supposed to be. I was in a rush to arrive. Now I’ve come to accept that life is a Journey. The journey is unpredictable, but also full of meaning and beauty.
Through the journey, you get to know your Guide.
My journey has already featured many more curves, drops, and jumps than I expected. But looking back, I realize that a straight line was never what I wanted. Despite being a strong introvert who needs her alone time, I wanted an adventure.
While studying classical piano (one of my great loves) in college, I sometimes pictured a future of comfort and ease in American suburbia––a house, kids, a steady job, all the things I was supposed to want––and I felt discontent. I assumed “success” meant fulfilling my potential, achieving financial stability, meeting a man I could call the love of my life. But deep in my heart, another desire was burning, one I couldn’t yet put words to.
I had known God and been walking closely with Him for many years, but there was something more to life than what I had known so far. At least, I desperately hoped there was.
My mind kept drifting back to a five-week trip to South Korea in the summer of 2009, a time of adventure, of wondrous intimacy with God, of whisperings and dreams awakening. And so, I went back. I returned to Korea in 2011. I was only supposed to go for 10 months, but that plan quickly changed. God was calling me to stay.
Choosing a life in Korea involved sacrifice, but was also surprisingly comfortable. My family and friends didn’t understand. I went into classroom teaching, which I had never expected or wanted. But I knew God had something special for me in Korea, if I would only entrust myself to His path.
God wowed me in Korea. The first couple years were a mountaintop experience filled with a joy I never imagined possible.
Then came the struggle, the pain, the confusion––the desert.
There were times I wanted to run away, but God showed me that I needed to learn to stay. So I did. Much longer than I wanted to. It was frustrating and humbling. I became disillusioned, had my trust broken, and felt used.
One step at a time. That’s how the journey goes. Sometimes we take a wrong turn or have to stop and catch our breath, perhaps we even collapse from exhaustion. That’s okay. Because He is strong enough to restore, renew, and redeem. Jesus walked the path of suffering into victory, and He invites us to do the same. He is strong enough to love us back to life. And He is not in a rush.
I’ve learned that no one has the right to judge my ‘yes’ to God, and I wouldn’t trade my ‘yes’ to Him for anything.
At the start of 2019, I returned to the US to start a new part of the journey. A going back and a going forward. It’s not always easy, but there is JOY in choosing God’s way. It requires boldness. It requires brutal honesty with oneself. It requires the humility to ask for help.
It’s worth it.
I’m still in the middle of the process; I’m still learning. But I hope to inspire, encourage, and propel you forward on your own journey through what I share. Life is complex, but also wondrous, surprising, and often downright hilarious. Let’s not lose our sense of humor, or wonder, along the way.
So kick back and stay awhile.
Lean in and ponder. Smile, laugh, or cry––no one here will judge you. Connect, share, process, and let what you absorb change you.
And, don’t leave without hearing this: You are sought after.
Love is close beside you, calling your name. Whatever difficult circumstance or inward mind-muddle you may find yourself in, He is near. Whatever you may be ridiculously happy about right now, He is celebrating. However you stumbled onto this page today, He was in that too. He is poking you right now, simply wanting to remind you that His eyes are on you.
The things that are on your heart, the struggles you want to break free from, the hopes and dreams that are burning inside you or that may have died, He sees and knows. And He cares about every single one.
So turn toward Him. Speak His name. Today, if you hear His voice, don’t harden your heart. (If you’d like more specific suggestions on how to connect with Him, click here.)
Thanks for taking the time to learn more about my story. If you’d like to share yours with me or if you have any questions for me, I’d love to hear from you. Click here to send me a private message.
Here’s to rising after every tumble, treasuring every sunrise and every sunset, and to celebrating the imperfect, unpredictable process that has made us who we are today and continues to change us into who we will be tomorrow.