Are we there yet?
I used to be fixated on the destination, on getting places and becoming who I wanted to be––who I was supposed to be. I was in a rush to arrive. But I’ve come to accept that it’s all about the Journey. The journey may be full of unknowns, but it’s also full of meaning and beauty.
Through the journey, you get to know your Guide.
My personal journey
has already featured many more curves, drops, and jumps than I expected. But looking back, I realize that a straight line was never what I wanted.
In grad school, while studying classical piano (my great love) and picturing a comfortable future in American suburbia, something inside me was discontent. I had always been a good student and assumed fulfilling my potential meant earning a living doing something I enjoyed. Or perhaps I would meet the love of my life and have a family with him––another acceptable scenario of “success.” But deep in my heart, another desire was burning, one I couldn’t yet put words to.
I had known God and been walking closely with Him for many years, but there was something more to life than what I had known so far. At least, I desperately hoped there was more.
My mind kept wandering back to a five-week trip to Korea in the summer of 2009, to the adventure and awakening of that summer, to the intimacy with God I had experienced, to the whisperings and dreams in my heart that had swelled.
When I came back to Korea in 2011––on a Fulbright Scholarship to study piano––I knew that I had to stay. Even though I might have to give up classical music. Even though I might never perform on a stage again. Even though my life choices might look foolish to most people. I wanted to give myself fully to Jesus, and for me, that meant staying.
I began writing this blog
in 2011 to chronicle my ten-month stint in Korea, but guess what? I’m still here. I’m still single. And though I haven’t accomplished much that would impress the average person, I wouldn’t trade my ‘yes’ to God for anything.
It hasn’t always been easy. There are many times I’ve wanted to hide in my introvert cave and never come out. But God continues to be faithful to teach me, lead me, change me, and love me.
I currently live in the tension of knowing I am more powerful than I ever imagined yet being aware I am incredibly broken, of bursting with eagerness to be used by God to bring light into darkness, yet continually coming up against the reality of my limitations.
Over time, this blog has shifted from personal ramblings to slightly-more-intentional personal ramblings. I’m still in the middle of the process; I’m still learning. But I hope to inspire, encourage, and propel you forward on your own journey through what I share.
I am a deep thinker
who is passionate about truth and beauty. I believe life is complex, but also wondrous, surprising, and often downright hilarious.
I write a mix of long articles on topics like the lies we believe about singleness and the ways females and males were designed to relate and more compact reflections and stories about things like the importance of making mistakes and what I did in Boracay besides be a tourist. I also occasionally share bits of the ridiculousness of my life, because laughter is important too.
My favorite topic is love, because it is love that has carried me through the difficulties and love that is continually changing me to be better than I was.
So kick back and stay awhile.
Lean in and ponder. Smile, laugh, or cry––no one here will judge you. Connect, share, process, and let what you absorb change you.
And, don’t leave without hearing this: You are sought after.
Love is close beside you, calling your name. Whatever difficult circumstance or inward mind-muddle you may find yourself in, He is near. Whatever you may be ridiculously happy about right now, He is celebrating. However you stumbled onto this page today, He was in that too. He is poking you right now, simply wanting to remind you that His eyes are on you.
The things that are on your heart, the struggles you want to break free from, the hopes and dreams that are burning inside you or that may have died, He sees and knows. And He cares about every single one.
So turn toward Him. Speak His name. Today, if you hear His voice, don’t harden your heart. (If you’d like more specific suggestions on how to connect with Him, click here.)
Thanks for taking the time to learn more about my story. If you’d like to share yours with me or if you have any questions for me, I’d love to hear from you. Click here to send me a private message.
Here’s to rising after every tumble, treasuring every sunrise, and celebrating the imperfect, unpredictable process that has made us who we are today and continues to change us into who we will be tomorrow.