I’ve been realizing something recently: God created me the way I am on purpose.
Such a simple truth, but so profound. Each of my personality traits is something He gave me to be used for good.
So I have a confession to make: even though I wrote a blog post awhile back claiming to be of a Phlegmatic temperament, I have since comes to terms with the fact that my primary temperament is Melancholy. The introverted, introspective, moody, perfectionist, creative temperament––the one I thought I was originally. (I do have a definite Phlegmatic side, though, so the revelations about Moses still apply.)
I had trouble accepting that identity for the longest time, I think in large part because I am all too familiar with the negative sides of it. I didn’t want to identify myself with the lonely, anxious, depressed insomniac perfectionist I was in high school. I wanted to think that God had transformed me into a different person––not just in the spiritual sense of being a new creation, but personality-wise.
But on Sunday, God showed me (amidst many tears) that He never wanted or intended to change me into a different personality type, He has always simply wanted to redeem what I already was.
He created me to be a deep person.
To feel things deeply. To think about things deeply. To experience things deeply. He made me that way on purpose.
Yes, there are certain pitfalls that come with my disposition, as with any disposition. I can be overly sensitive, moody, gloomy sometimes. But I can also be compassionate, perceptive, caring, and wise. God showed me that being Melancholy doesn’t equal being depressed or touchy. He has never seen me that way, and I shouldn’t see myself that way. I can and should cast every bit of darkness and negativity out of me.
He showed me that I can fully embrace who I am, freely be myself without being afraid of falling back into that dark place I once knew. Because He is with me. His power is in me. And He won’t let me fall.