The other day I played the game Image for the first time.
It’s a “find out what your friends think of you” kind of game. Someone asks a question such as, “Who do you think will be the richest in 10 years?” or “Who do you think got disciplined the most as a kid?” and then on the count of 3, everyone points at someone.
So the other night someone asked, “Who do you think falls in love the most easily?” and every single person in the room pointed at me. Even me. Even the guys––with whom I’ve never discussed my love life. Even a girl I had just met that evening.
I was like, “Is it really that obvious?!”
I was slightly embarrassed, but later I decided that it wasn’t the worst way to be perceived, nor the worst way to be. I decided it means I have a big heart.
I used to think of love as weakness.
As a kid, whenever I had a crush on a boy, my primary goal was to make sure he didn’t find out. It was partly because I was shy, but there was also an element of pride to it, especially as the habit continued into my teenage and college years. I didn’t want guys to know I’d “fallen” for them, because I thought that would put me in the weaker position.
But my view of love is starting to change. I’m realizing that loving someone is not weakness, even someone of the opposite sex. Finding your worth in that person’s attention, which is what crushes so often come to be about, isn’t good. But recognizing nice qualities in them isn’t bad. Feeling affectionately toward them isn’t bad either.
That’s actually how God feels about them, too.
Recently God has been showing me that my love is something He particularly wants to use.
Sometimes I undervalue love––I pursue knowledge, wisdom, excellence, creativity, and influence, but forget about love. I think of love as basic instead of central. Just as I’ve been realizing my emotions are not my weakness, but my strength, I’ve been realizing my capacity to love is not something to overlook or despise, it’s one of the best things about me.
Love is powerful, because it changes people in a way that nothing else can.
A friend recently said to me, “There is a softness about you that makes people feel loved, even if you don’t really love them.” (She then clarified that she didn’t really know who I “loved” and “didn’t love,” but I knew what she meant.)
I am starting to think that that natural tenderness is what God most wants to use in me, primarily that.