Last week I started trying to eat less carbs.
This article I read on NYtimes.com said they did a study that shows low-carb diets are healthier than low-fat diets. (Guess my brother was right all along..)
So for breakfast on Friday, I avoided my usual Special K and instead made myself a big colorful salad with tuna on top. After eating that, I was still hungry. I drank a glass of milk, and I still wasn’t full. Finally I gave in and ate some crackers.
I told my brother, a Paleo dieter, and asked what I should do. He said, “That sounds like a really weird thing to eat. I usually eat eggs.”
So now I eat eggs for breakfast. Problem solved.
But last week I also felt a different kind of hunger that was more difficult to satisfy.
I felt out of sorts emotionally and spiritually, like there was something I needed to process, a revelation I was missing. But I wasn’t sure the solution was going to be as simple as the breakfast solution. And that scared me a little.
I found myself desperate for God, more desperate than I have been in a long time.
I prayed on my face on the floor, then on my knees by my bed. I lay on my back listening to a worship song over and over, It is well with me, it is well with my soul..
I wanted to turn to movies or TV to find a story that would give me some insight into myself and my situation. (Stories are so powerful and can bring so much clarity! Part of the reason I have a passion to write them..)
Then I thought, What about the Bible? Plenty of stories in there! I felt hunger well up in me for the Word, a fresh conviction that it was the food I needed.
Before I even touched my Bible, I started crying.
I suddenly remembered the story of Peter leaping into the water from his boat and rushing to shore to greet the resurrected Jesus.
It’s one of my favorite moments in the Bible. Peter, who had denied Jesus, who had messed up pretty badly, who had done the exact thing he had said he would never do, had NO hesitation. He didn’t wonder if Jesus was disappointed in him. He didn’t worry that Jesus might not be that eager to see him. He threw himself into the sea and RAN to meet him.
My journey for clarity didn’t end there. But that was the moment I remembered who I am.
I am like Peter.
No matter what situation I’m in, no matter how long it’s been since I’ve heard from God, no matter how badly I’ve messed up, I am always ready to drop everything and run to Him. One word and I’m there.
Other people can be responsible and guide the boat to shore, carry all the fish we’ve caught, come at a decent, normal pace. All I can think about is Jesus. I just have to run.
The thing is, he is always so happy to see me, too. Even happier than I dared to hope.
My soul thirsts for God, for the living God.
When can I go and meet with God?
– Psalm 42:2