I’ve always liked to have things defined.
Decided. Determined. Known.
I don’t like being in the middle of decisions and I don’t like being left in an undefined state. Am I your friend or not? Am I moving to that city or not? Are we going to see that movie or not? Let’s just decide!
(This is why ordering food can be somewhat painful sometimes. I can be so indecisive about what I want to eat, yet at the same time I hate being in that state of indecision. So I usually either: 1. stick with ordering the same thing every time 2. let someone else tell me what to order, or 3. end up ordering something I’m not fully satisfied with, because I rushed my decision.)
Lately, God has been teaching me to accept the process.
Some decision can’t be rushed. Some things just take time.
There is a process of maturation and growth of understanding that can’t be skipped but must be gone through, step by step. And during those steps along the way, you can’t always necessarily see where you are going.
It can feel like a roller coaster: being taken up, plummeting down, going around, sideways, upside-down, and backwards. But though it may be scary at times, I need not fear, because I am strapped in. No real harm can come to me.
The process seems arbitrary at times, but God is assuring me that it’s not. It’s a journey He has designed. For my good.