I like to think about things.
Like what kind of guy I should end up with. Or what it means to be a real friend. Or the best way to reorganize the layout of my budget spreadsheet now that I have a new version of Microsoft Excel. I like to reflect on the many moments of the day. The moments I made people laugh. The moments that made me laugh. The little victories. The little realizations.
Or when I’m feeling a little less positive, I think about other things: The moments I felt rejected or unappreciated; the unpleasant surprises that stressed me out; all the things I could have done better today. I question whether the people in my life really care about me. Or whether I really like the way my life is going.
But then I remember Jesus standing out on the waters holding out his hand to me, calling my name.
Everything falls away, every burden, every regret, every bit of confusion and stress, because I remember that I have nothing to lose.
I have already given it all to Him.
Two years ago, I had no idea what this adventure in Korea would hold (I really had no idea), but the one thing I decided was that I wanted it to be about following Jesus. Letting go of my nets and following him. I had many ambitions, hopes, and dreams back then. I wanted to become fluent in Korean, pursue a musical career, meet the man of my dreams, accomplish something useful and impressive.
But above all else, I wanted to simply follow Jesus into the unknown, no strings attached.
And look where I am now:
In the middle of a beautiful life I never imagined. More sure than ever that I want my life to be about giving myself to Him.
He holds out his hand to me amidst turbulent waters and stormy skies. Amidst dark clouds and deafening winds, He asks if I am willing to come, and I say Yes. I say a wholehearted YES to Him in my heart.
The kingdom of heaven is like treasure hidden in a field.
When a man found it, he hid it again, and then in his joy
went and sold all he had and bought that field.
– Matthew 13:44