Being shaken forces your roots to go down deeper.

That’s something I’ve been learning during this 40-Day Media Fast. (Currently on Day 25––I’ve passed the halfway point!)

Man oh man, I didn’t foresee how challenging this fast would be when I started it. Not the giving up TV and movies part. That’s been relatively easy. But the shaking.. oh the shaking. At times, I have been like a tender plant being tossed around by hurricane winds. I started this fast with great excitement, and I’m still excited. But the battle is real. (That’s part of the reason I remain excited––if the breakthrough weren’t so big, the enemy wouldn’t be so scared.)

I have gained a lot of insight the past 25 days, but I have also had moments of confusion. I search for God and can’t find Him. Where are You? I know He must be near, but I can’t feel Him. I recite the truth to myself, but I can’t hear it from His lips. I long for Him to cut through with His authoritative voice and set everything right. But He doesn’t.

Why, God? Why are You hiding Your face from me?

I realized today that I am thankful for those moments.

Because if He never hid from me, I would never learn to search for Him.

As I search, as I wait, and as I wrestle, I change. Half-heartedness falls away. Hunger for Him grows. Senses sharpen. Persistence stretches. Willingness to be vulnerable and ask for help increases. Just as I feel I am about to reach my breaking point, strength rises up inside me from some unknown source––a boldness to press forward.

And when He finally encounters me with His clear, distinct voice, I can only weep. The searching has made me certain that nothing else will do but Him. And when I finally find Him, He is even better than I thought.

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Elizabeth holds to simple faith in a complex world. She values the beauty of the everyday and strives for vulnerability with other imperfect humans. She is currently pursuing her MDiv at Fuller Theological Seminary, so when she isn't busy writing academic papers, she is usually out enjoying the LA sunshine. She is constantly learning, laughing, and finding herself in awe of grace.

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