Searching

Being shaken forces your roots to go down deeper.

That’s something I’ve been learning during this 40-Day Media Fast. (Currently on Day 25––I’ve passed the halfway point!)

Man oh man, I didn’t foresee how challenging this fast would be when I started it. Not the giving up TV and movies part. That’s been relatively easy. But the shaking.. oh the shaking. At times, I have been like a tender plant being tossed around by hurricane winds. I started this fast with great excitement, and I’m still excited. But the battle is real. (That’s part of the reason I remain excited––if the breakthrough weren’t so big, the enemy wouldn’t be so scared.)

I have gained a lot of insight the past 25 days, but I have also had moments of confusion. I search for God and can’t find Him. Where are You? I know He must be near, but I can’t feel Him. I recite the truth to myself, but I can’t hear it from His lips. I long for Him to cut through with His authoritative voice and set everything right. But He doesn’t.

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Why, God? Why are You hiding Your face from me?

I realized today that I am thankful for those moments.

Because if He never hid from me, I would never learn to search for Him.

As I search, as I wait, and as I wrestle, I change. Half-heartedness falls away. Hunger for Him grows. Senses sharpen. Persistence stretches. Willingness to be vulnerable and ask for help increases. Just as I feel I am about to reach my breaking point, strength rises up inside me from some unknown source––a boldness to press forward.

And when He finally encounters me with His clear, distinct voice, I can only weep. The searching has made me certain that nothing else will do but Him. And when I finally find Him, He is even better than I thought.

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Elizabeth is an American living in South Korea who believes in destiny, miracles, and living life intentionally. She holds to simple faith in a complex world, values the beauty of the everyday, and strives for vulnerability with other imperfect humans. She is always learning, laughing, and finding herself in awe of grace.

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