At one point during high school, I told my corporate lawyer mother that I wanted to be a secretary.
It seemed so perfect. I could spend all day organizing and making things run efficiently and assisting my boss with whatever he/she needed. I felt confident I would make an excellent assistant.
But she immediately told me no.
No? I couldn’t be a secretary? Why not?
“Because you would be way smarter than your boss, honey, and it would drive you crazy.”
I thought about that for awhile. Would it be a ‘waste’ of my intelligence to be a secretary, even if doing that made me happy? What if I just found a really brilliant boss to work for?
Now, I would never say being a secretary was a my dream job. (How about getting paid to blog? Hm.) But I completely understand my secretary-as-dream-job phase. That kind of supporting role is very comfortable for me, because I don’t have to bear the weighty responsibility of being the leader. (And administrative work can be super fun sometimes, haha.)
In college, I had a part time job as a stage manager, and I loved it. As a pianist myself, I could relate to all the concerns of the performers, so I was great at assuaging their fears, calming their nerves, and setting the right tone as they got ready to go on stage. I got to play a key role in the performance and enjoy the buzz and excitement of backstage without actually having to prepare anything or bare my soul to the audience.
But sometimes it’s your turn to step into the spotlight.
Sometimes God calls you to be the boss, the performer, the one who has to put everything on the line.
Being behind the scenes requires so much less preparation and emotional investment. So much less courage and inner wrestling. It’s so much easier to believe in others than yourself. It’s easy to tell someone else they are going to be “great up there,” but when it’s you?
Sometimes I get lazy. I get too comfortable being back stage. But then God calls me out of that hidden place into the spotlight, and my heart is gripped with a sudden thrill. He wants me to go? But everyone will be looking at me! What if I’m not ready? What if I make a mistake?
But with my eyes fixed on Him, on His eyes smiling at me, I rise and step out of the darkness. I walk through that stage door and into the spotlight. And I find I’m right where I’m meant to be.
How is He calling you to step out and believe in yourself? Might it be time for you to leave the comfort of back stage?