Two weeks in: Loneliness

Now that I am getting settled in to my life in Korea, I have more space to think about the future. And to miss home.

Being here is a wonderful, wonderful gift, but the other day I realized that I’m not open to staying here longterm. In my heart I know my future is back in the US teaching piano. (The desire to get a doctorate in piano performance faded after that first practice session––funny how fleeting feelings can be.)

It feels strange to let myself love this place, to know that Korea will always hold a special place in my heart, but that I will ultimately leave it. The transience of life confuses me sometimes.

It’s been a long week.

I not only feel physically exhausted, but emotionally weary. There is something particularly tiring about being alone in the midst of a crowd.

In the halls of the music school, on the street, on the crowded bus and the packed subway, I am surrounded by people but completely anonymous. I literally rub up against people, but am barely noticed. (To the point that the fact that an apology from a guy whose Smoothie King cup bumped my face on the bus actually brightened my day.) I also miss having someone to come home to. (I knew I would. To all my former roomies: I miss you!)

But, when I am weak, He carries me.

I’ve been having a lot of interesting and encouraging conversations with people these past couple days, my journal entries in Korean are getting longer, which is exciting, and the first movement of my Beethoven Sonata is feeling pretty good––I will never stop loving music. But without Him, it would not be nearly enough.

I am ever comforted by this secret knowledge: He is jealous for me.



Take a Pause
And reconnect

It's easy to get caught up in the busyness of life and forget to simply breathe. If you'd like simple prompts to guide you through some moments of meditation, enter your email below to subscribe to Elizabeth's 5-part email series Slow Down and Breathe.

For more details. click here.

I promise to keep your email safe from spammers!

Posted by

Elizabeth holds to simple faith in a complex world. She values the beauty of the everyday and strives for vulnerability with other imperfect humans. She is currently pursuing her MDiv at Fuller Theological Seminary, so when she isn't busy writing academic papers, she is usually out enjoying the LA sunshine. She is constantly learning, laughing, and finding herself in awe of grace.

Add your thoughts

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.