A wise friend recently said, “There is a fine line between having faith and being lazy.” He said it in the context of looking for/waiting for the right job, and as someone now in that position, I’ve been thinking about that statement a lot lately. After almost 4 months of being unemployed and income-less, should I feel guilty? Have I been lazy?
Or have I been living the life of faith?
I can’t see the students God has for me yet. I can’t see the income or the opportunities materialized in front of me. But I am certain that they are there, waiting, because of the promises God has spoken to me. God is the one who brought me to Korea. God is the one who told me to stay. God is the one who told me I would be a piano teacher here, that my students would be touched by my love.
Something I’ve been learning the past few months is that the life of faith isn’t about following a manual or reading a map. It’s about obeying God’s voice.
When God tells me to learn to rest, it doesn’t make sense from a practical point of view. When God tells me to take my writing and music-making seriously and pursue them diligently as my main work, it seems risky. Devoting myself to those pursuits could take time away from looking for students (i.e. the actual income-creating opportunities). When God breaks my heart for the orphans of Korea and tells me to love on them. . . again, no money in sight.
The thing is, I am actually okay financially right now (thanks to my savings), so I don’t have to worry about today. Only tomorrow. And God keeps reminding me that tomorrow belongs to Him.
Last night when I was trying to pray, I had a hard time figuring out what to ask for. An abundance of students asking me for lessons? (Honestly, that sounds exhausting and overwhelming at this point. I think I need to transition a bit more slowly into the teaching life.) A part-time job that would eat up my poetry/song writing time and pay me barely any money? (I’m willing to do that at this point, but is that really what I want to ask for?)
Instead, I found myself asking that God would provide for me financially, whatever that might look like, and that God would bless my very first student, who I will be meeting next week: a middle school boy living at a Children’s Home (i.e. orphanage) on the outskirts of Seoul.
This boy won’t be paying me any money for my services, but I am so excited to meet him. After three and a half months of waiting, it’s impossible for me to take him for granted. I know God has intentionally given me this specific student to teach and to love. I know he is the first fulfillment of the promise God spoke to me about teaching piano in Korea. And I know this is just the beginning of a beautiful purpose and calling God has over my life.
“What good is it to gain the whole world and yet lose or forfeit your very self?”
I choose to follow Him.